Terribly Real


It's a little after 11pm, I'm sitting at home on a Saturday night, listening to Katy Perry; I am content and discontent at the same time. 
When I decided to start blogging, I told myself that this would be where I wouldn't be afraid to speak out and do it with pure honesty. 
So here is a life rant from me; the pain I feel sometimes isn't because there's something's wrong with me, it's because there's something wrong with this world. 

This past week has been a little difficult emotionally, to the point where I couldn't get out of bed and face the world. When people see me, they only see and get to know the rough surface, only very few people know my core, sometimes I wonder if the people who know me best, have ever even experienced the core. 
I don't deem myself this righteous or superior human being, most of the time I'm content with being the emotional, drama queen. But the truth is, that there's more to me than meets the eye, and that can truly be said about anyone, and I myself have experienced this many times. 
I am not a religious person, though I do respect all beliefs, I have never felt the need to look up to a higher being to be a better person. I have my own morals, and every day is a new opportunity to be better. 
As an artist I struggle to find a place for myself, it's not that I want to fit in, it's that I want to stand out and inspire others and sometimes it feels almost impossible. 
We live in a world of consumerism and even I am guilty of being a consumer, but I know deep inside that life is so much more than what we have, what we wear, who we know, where we live, what car we drive, how many diamonds we own, and the list could go on; the point is, I feel, as a society we have lost our core, we have become so materialistic, so careless. 

The media influences us, everywhere we go, it's difficult to run from it. The quote above, makes me feel so emotional, it speaks to me. 

I have heard "You're so real." more than a couple of times this week. And I've been thinking about what that means. I'm still not sure but I guess the best way I can relate myself to this quote is that I will always travel in my own path, I will always speak my mind, I will be kind, not for some celestial purpose, but just because I can. I will love deeply and strongly, I will follow my instincts and most of all, I will never give up. 

I think in such a "false world", we need more people that are willing to not give into society and to break the norm, people that are different and not afraid of being honest about it. 

I will admit that many times, most like tonight, I wonder if I was "normal", if I would be more content, I ponder the thought that ignorance is bliss, I feel that if I could feel less, then I wouldn't feel so bad. 
I'm not a pessimistic person, if anything I try to be as optimistic as possible and yet I find myself in so much pain. 
I think about all the things I would want to change; end wars, end world hunger, marriage equality, gender equality, that ever child had a parent and that every animal had a home, etc. 
I feel so blessed every day, just getting to wake up is a true blessing but I want so much more, and not only for myself but for everyone around me, and everyone on this planet. 

Nights like these, I feel the pain strongly but I know that it only makes me better, I have learned to appreciate life, the people that surround me, the things I get to do, the places I get to see and the people I get to love. 

Yeah, I'm a little person with lots of feelings. 

This wonderful rant, is now over and if you read this far, then you're awesome. 
I'm open to thoughts.

Hoping everyone is having a wonderful day/night. 

Thank you for reading.

Yours truly,

Belair Beautiful