Dazed and Confused


Week 19 - Pensive Pop

Tonight, I come to realize that I haven't posted a self portrait/52 week project in what seems like ages but can really only be a month or so. 
It stems from many things, from being extremely busy with clients (which is never a bad thing), to feeling exhausted and drained from the system aka "school" (which is always horrible and more common than people think) and the fact that I don't live on the Internet 24 hours, 7 days a week. (Though if you ask anyone, I'm always available online.)

The point is that I have to be honest with this blog, because more than a fashion blog or a beauty blog, this blog is personal blog. 

Like I mentioned above, school has been really unhelpful these past few months, I feel drained and uninspired and it's partially because of that place. I hate to point fingers because at the end of the day, my work depends on me, but when you are asked to make work that just isn't what you want to do, it's very difficult to find inspiration to get it done and it's even harder to turn in something you're not completely proud of. The other thing is that no one in that staff truly cares about what we feel as artists or people. (Maybe a few handful actually care.)
But I'm baffled in a way when professors ask for so much work and when we don't deliver, they don't even bother to take our lives into consideration. 

News flash people: artists don't just pop out work whenever asked, we are not machines. 

And for the longest time I have been struggling to stay in school because I truly feel that it's not benefiting me in any way, I am 95% self taught. Everything I do, comes from myself and the style I have developed has been my own doing. I have cried many times about this, about the decision I made to go to school that now feels like a mistake, but I am so close to getting that pointless piece of paper that society tells us will benefit us, that it makes no sense to quit now.
And there I make another point, I am not a quitter, I have never been and never will be so that's not really a possibility. 
However, I have decided that I am going to take my time and make sure I get my money's worth and even if I make things difficult for them, I will make sure that they deliver what they promised. 

These weeks images reflect how colorfully sad things have been lately. 
I put on my little "I'm okay" costume and go on with life because really there's no much else to do.
I put on my make up and my dresses and do what I need to do.
But just because we mask things, doesn't mean they disappear.
I am a firm believer that people need to talk about their mental health more often. 
If I was sick in the hospital with a broken leg, people would understand why I can't make work, but if I my spirit is broken and wounded, I am expected to continue as if nothing. 

Just something to think about. 
Which also brings me to:
Everyone is fighting their own battle, never assume people are perfectly happy. Be kind. 

Yours truly,